What Is a Sleep Divorce and Should You Try It?

A “sleep divorce,” also known as “sleep separation,” is the trending term for when couples decide to sleep separately for better rest and harmony. Whether you officially claim different rooms or one partner snoozes on the sofa bed, a sleep divorce simply means going separate ways at night. Despite the official-sounding name, there’s nothing legal involved—this arrangement can even benefit both your sleep and your relationship.

Though it may feel like a personal rejection if you’re not the one suggesting it, the rise in sleep divorces has more to do with well-being than with feelings for your partner. A 2022 study found that sleeping apart can improve rest quality, overall well-being, and relationship harmony. It’s all about discovering what works best for both of you and keeping communication open.

Our 2024 Sleep Survey found that 24% of people actually sleep better without their partner, with snoring being the top reason for nighttime wake-ups. Space, duvet hogging, and overheating were also commonly cited as reasons for preferring solo sleep.

A sleep divorce can offer various benefits for both your well-being and your relationship. By prioritising restful sleep, you not only boost your mood but also create a stronger foundation for intimacy with your partner.

With fewer disturbances, having your own sleep space can significantly improve sleep quality. You can tailor your environment to your liking, whether that means choosing the perfect mattress firmness, the ideal duvet thickness, adjusting the room temperature or even keeping on white noise that your partner might not enjoy.

Few things breed resentment in a relationship, like a partner who keeps you awake, depriving you of much-needed rest. Feeling grouchy from sleep deprivation can make you more irritable and less likely to feel up for intimacy.

Initiating a sleep divorce can be a great way to ensure you both get the restful sleep needed to be your best selves. By prioritising rest, you support overall health and boost libido, making separate sleeping arrangements the secret ingredient to a happier, healthier relationship.

So, is it time for a sleep divorce? Here are a few signs that sleeping apart might be the key to better sleep and a stronger relationship:

If you and your partner have different bedtimes and wake-up times, it may be worth considering separate sleep spaces. Constant disruptions to your circadian rhythm—like being woken up after finally drifting off or too early in the morning—can lead to fatigue and frustration. This not only strains your relationship but also affects how you function throughout the day.

A lack of sleep can seriously impact your health by preventing the crucial repair of cells and tissues that occurs while you rest. This can weaken your immune system, lead to digestive issues, and increase your risk of heart disease, diabetes, and mental health challenges if left unaddressed.

If you’ve noticed that you’re catching every bug going around and just don’t feel your best, prioritising your sleep with a sleep divorce could be just what the doctor ordered.

A lack of sleep can make us irritable and less empathetic, making arguments with our partners more likely, especially if they keep us awake at night. Sleep deprivation can also ramp up stress hormones and dampen our desire for intimacy, creating tension in our relationship.

When it comes to arranging your sleep divorce, there are no strict rules to follow, so it’s entirely up to you to determine what works best. Here are a few tips for achieving an amicable sleep divorce:

For couples with vastly different work or sleep schedules, sleeping in entirely separate rooms is often the best approach for a sleep divorce. While it might seem extreme to outsiders, this arrangement ensures that both partners can create the ideal environment for quality sleep. Having your own space can promote relaxation and downtime, especially if you value time to yourself, ultimately strengthening your relationship.

If you struggle to sleep completely apart from your partner, consider alternating nights spent apart before committing to a full sleep divorce, or set aside time for cuddling in the same bed before going to sleep. A quick cuddle can provide similar benefits to sleeping next to your partner, such as reducing anxiety and improving your mood.

If you have the space, many people enjoy sleeping in separate beds while still being in the same room as their partner. This way, you can have your own mattress, bedding, and sleep routine without feeling like you’re sleeping alone. If you have the space, two single beds or two small double beds could be great options, and you can push the beds together if you want to get closer.

For many people, their bedroom isn’t large enough for two separate beds. In this case, you can always try a zip and link mattress, allowing for different comfort levels.

There are many places, such as Scandinavia, Germany, and Austria, where separate bedding is commonplace and the preferred way of sharing a bed. Having a separate duvet can minimise issues like hogging the covers, allowing you to choose your preferred temperature without disrupting your partner.

Learn more about the benefits of separate bedding.

As with any relationship issue, the most important aspect is to communicate with your partner.

When it comes to asking for a sleep divorce, be open about the effects your sleep issues are having on you, and actively listen to your partner’s response. You may find that they’ve been feeling the same way or that there are other solutions they want to try first. Focus on what is best for you and your relationship; don’t worry about what you think you ‘should’ be doing as a couple.